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emotional intelligence [76b344c9]

Tags: episteme

1. What is emotional intelligence?

  • 3 keys factors

    • Definition
    • How does it fit in with mental structure?
    • Why is it important?

1.1. Definition

  • Understanding and expressing emotions
  • Using empathy

  • Sometimes defined as EQ (emotional quotient)

    • Being aware of emotions
    • Expressing emotions
    • Controlling emotions
    • Relationship management

  • 4 areas:

    • Self awareness
    • Self management
    • Social awareness
    • Relationship development

2. Role of emotions and EQ

  • Understand and manage the role of emotions

  • Emotions

    • Feelings about event

  • Behavior

    • Response to event

3. Thinking at the speed of light

  • Takes conscious practice to be aware of how emotional response works
  • Intercept response process

  • 2 ways of thinking

    • fast, emotional, intuitive thinking

      • leads us to use biases
    • slow, deliberate, emotional

4. Understanding Personal EQ

  • Behavior is often associated with a specific event

    • We think of our behavior as a reaction

  • We think event -> behavior

    • Actually event -> thoughts and feelings -> behavior

5. Triggers and Hijacks

  • Trigger, emotions, and irrational response
  • Cognitive shortcuts help our brains focus on important information

  • Triggers

    • Events or thoughts that consistently take you in the wrong direction

6. Finding Flow

  • Flow: complete immersion in an activiity

    • should feel effortless and rewarding
    • understand what causes a sense of flow
  • Developing emotional intelligence helps find flow

7. Disrupting Thinking

  • Simple process to take control of feelings

    • ABCDE model

      • A - Activating event

        • Example: coworker is late with deliverable
        • To understand the event, understand it as a bystander
      • B - Beliefs
      • C - Consequence

      • D - disruptive thinking

        • Look at the situation from another perspective
      • E - Effect

8. Reclaim Reaction Time

  • Factors that lead to subjectivity

    • Thoughts
    • Feelings
    • Emotions

  • Slowing down reactions

    • Identify the emotional reaction
    • Remove yourself from the situation when you start feeling strong emotions

  • Focus on emotion

    • Live in the emotion, give it some time
  • Challenge on thoughts

  • Choose how to respond

    • Reasonably assess the best option and react accordingly

9. Shifting Perspective

  • Consider different points of view, not necesarilly changing opinion

    • Key here is to seek out alternative points of view

  • Ask more questions

    • Ask others how they see the world around them
  • Spend time with new people
  • Read more books on a variety of topics

10. Using Senses to Make Sense

  • The ability to understand others and respond to their needs

  • Building social awareness

    • Looking inward
    • Shift focus outward

  • Think about what our senses are telling us in situations

    • Do we notice details about events going on around us?

      • How much of this information are we paying attention to?
    • Takes some practice to immerse ourselves in our surroundings
  • Take some time to assess social awareness

11. How to empathize?

  • Put yourself in their shoes
  • Don't need to identify exactly with the other person
  • Consider what you know about that person and their circumstance
  • Key to remember you are not looking for the right answer.

  • Steps

    • Ask more questions

      • What are they expericing, what are their impacts?
    • Offer support and understanding w/o assuming you have the knowledge the other person requires

    • Don't try to identify with everything the person says

      • Very irritating

      • Say stuff like

        • "I imagine that makes you feel"
        • "I suppose that makes you think"
      • Use tentitive, exploratory language

12. Listening and Communicating

  • Two way street, providing and gathering information
  • Body language must also be heeded
  • Unconcious communication is driven by thoughts, feelings, and mood

13. Playing to Strengths

  • Build genuine communication style
  • Building trust is a critical element

  • Strengths?

    • Direct
    • Clear
    • Logical (?)
  • How do others perceive you?
  • What skills do you pocess when it comes to interacting with others
  • Do you have the ability to read a room?

14. Collect Feedback

  • Most useful techniques in helping you grow
  • Ask others for their opinion

  • Review, refine, repeat

    • Review how you management relationships

      • "What am I good at?"
      • "What areas could I tweak?"

    • Refine your approach

      • As you make small adjustments, these small steps compound
    • Repeat
  • Feedbacks are not facts

15. Align Intention and Impact

  • Don't focus on what to say, focus on the key messages
  • Focusing on intent boosts confidence
  • About the message percieved by the other person