emotional intelligence

Tags: episteme

• https://www.linkedin.com/learning/developing-your-emotional-intelligence/benefits-of-building-emotional-intelligence?autoplay=true&u=2131553

What is emotional intelligence?

• 3 keys factors
  • Definition
  • How does it fit in with mental structure?
  • Why is it important?

Definition

• Understanding and expressing emotions
• Using empathy
• Sometimes defined as EQ (emotional quotient)
  • Being aware of emotions
  • Expressing emotions
  • Controlling emotions
  • Relationship management
• 4 areas:
  • Self awareness
  • Self management
  • Social awareness
  • Relationship development

Role of emotions and EQ

• Understand and manage the role of emotions
• Emotions
  • Feelings about event
• Behavior
  • Response to event

Thinking at the speed of light

• Takes conscious practice to be aware of how emotional response works
• Intercept response process
• 2 ways of thinking
  • fast, emotional, intuitive thinking
    • leads us to use biases
  • slow, deliberate, emotional

Understanding Personal EQ

• Behavior is often associated with a specific event
  • We think of our behavior as a reaction
• We think event -> behavior
  • Actually event -> thoughts and feelings -> behavior

Triggers and Hijacks

• Trigger, emotions, and irrational response
• Cognitive shortcuts help our brains focus on important information
• Triggers
  • Events or thoughts that consistently take you in the wrong direction

Finding Flow

• Flow: complete immersion in an activiity
  • should feel effortless and rewarding
  • understand what causes a sense of flow
• Developing emotional intelligence helps find flow

Disrupting Thinking

• Simple process to take control of feelings
  • ABCDE model
    • A - Activating event
      • Example: coworker is late with deliverable
      • To understand the event, understand it as a bystander
    • B - Beliefs
    • C - Consequence
    • D - disruptive thinking
      • Look at the situation from another perspective
    • E - Effect

Reclaim Reaction Time

• Factors that lead to subjectivity
  • Thoughts
  • Feelings
  • Emotions
• Slowing down reactions
  • Identify the emotional reaction
  • Remove yourself from the situation when you start feeling strong emotions
• Focus on emotion
  • Live in the emotion, give it some time
• Challenge on thoughts
• Choose how to respond
  • Reasonably assess the best option and react accordingly

Shifting Perspective

• Consider different points of view, not necesarilly changing opinion
  • Key here is to seek out alternative points of view
• Ask more questions
  • Ask others how they see the world around them
• Spend time with new people
• Read more books on a variety of topics

Using Senses to Make Sense

• The ability to understand others and respond to their needs
• Building social awareness
  • Looking inward
  • Shift focus outward
• Think about what our senses are telling us in situations
  • Do we notice details about events going on around us?
    • How much of this information are we paying attention to?
  • Takes some practice to immerse ourselves in our surroundings
• Take some time to assess social awareness

How to empathize?

• Put yourself in their shoes
• Don’t need to identify exactly with the other person
• Consider what you know about that person and their circumstance
• Key to remember you are not looking for the right answer.
• Steps
  • Ask more questions
    • What are they expericing, what are their impacts?
  • Offer support and understanding w/o assuming you have the knowledge the other person requires
  • Don’t try to identify with everything the person says
    • Very irritating
    • Say stuff like
      • “I imagine that makes you feel”
      • “I suppose that makes you think”
    • Use tentitive, exploratory language

Listening and Communicating

• Two way street, providing and gathering information
• Body language must also be heeded
• Unconcious communication is driven by thoughts, feelings, and mood

Playing to Strengths

• Build genuine communication style
• Building trust is a critical element
• Strengths?
  • Direct
  • Clear
  • Logical (?)
• How do others perceive you?
• What skills do you pocess when it comes to interacting with others
• Do you have the ability to read a room?

Collect Feedback

• Most useful techniques in helping you grow
• Ask others for their opinion
• Review, refine, repeat
  • Review how you management relationships
    • “What am I good at?”
    • “What areas could I tweak?”
  • Refine your approach
    • As you make small adjustments, these small steps compound
  • Repeat
• Feedbacks are not facts

Align Intention and Impact

• Don’t focus on what to say, focus on the key messages
• Focusing on intent boosts confidence
• About the message percieved by the other person